the man she wants he wants me/help a brother out
2,516 views · Published 9 March 2013 · 11:41 · Indexed 20 October 2026
Channel: muchlovefromky · 2013 · People & Blogs
Hi, Much Love! I absolutely love your videos and thought I would share a little dilemma I'm facing with you for possible inclusion into a "Help a Brother Out." I promise you this is a true situation! I am an African American gay male living in a large metro area in the U.S. About 8 -9 years ago, while in college, I befriended a cool young lady that I connected with well on a platonic level, even though she latter revealed that she used to have feelings for me. At that time, of course, she didn't know about my sexual preference, as I had never explored my attraction to men at that point. We were really cool for about three months from the time we meet until we graduated and moved to different regions and sort of lost contact. About two and a half years ago, to reconnected and started speaking more regularly, at least every three months and we would hang out whenever she visited the city. She moved to the city that I live in about a year and a half ago. We met up about a month after she moved here for dinner and she wanted to get my opinion about this amazing guy she liked a lot who lived here in the same area. She met him a few years before making the move here and they would see each other in passing at events but the two never spent much time together since they lived in different cities. According to her, they never went on a date or anything but she had reason to believe that he probably liked her but never made a move because they didn't live in the same city. Well, two months in, she was surprised that this amazing guy never attempted to make a move on her, ask her out, or even just welcome here to the city over coffee. She never made her feelings known to him but assumed based on nonverbal cues that the feeling was mutual and was asking me why I believe he hadn't made the move. I told her that he could: a) Have a fiance or girlfriend she doesn't know about b) Doesn't even know she now lives in the same city since she insisted on playing coy and hoping he would find out through mutual contacts c) He's gay By proposing the the third possible option, I also ended up coming out to here, which came as a surprise. I gave her my advice and at one point she even wanted me to serve as a decoy date at events she knew he would attend to make him jealous. Fast forward two months after that conversation and I'm minding my business meeting with a colleague at coffee shop. In walks this guy I find incredibly attractive who happens to know my colleague. While neither of us is sure that we like the same think, there is a strong fascination and we ended up speaking for hours, long after my colleague leaves, about all types of stuff. By the end of our conversation, we realize that we're both gay so all seems perfect until I get his business card. I saw where he works and it triggered something in my mind. I remember my lady friend, in telling me about the guy she was in love with, mentioned this place. Not just that, the physical characteristics and his interest all matched up! I texted her to get the name of the place and the name of this guy she was obsessed with and of course, IT WAS THE SAME DAMN MAN! She insisted that we meet the next day so she could hear about my chance run in with this guy. I told her that she could stop stressing because he was in fact, not sexually interested in women. She cried and was extremely hurt after realizing that she had misinterpreted messages for two years. She also asked if I was attracted to him and of course I said yes. After finding out that I connected with him on Facebook, she insisted that I unfriend him and not be his friend. I did and ignored his text messages until a few days later when I saw him again at the same coffee shop. More than a years from the day, we are happily together and very much in love. We have traveled more than ten times with each other over the last year and we our planning to live the rest of our lives together. My girlfriend doesn't know any of this! I feel a little like I'm betraying her by being seriously involved with a guy she was interested in...even though they never went on a date or were intimately involved. I part of me thinks I should tell her but I wanted to remain sensitive to how this could impact her...I mean the guy she had deep feelings for more than 8 years ago when we lived down south, ME, and the guy she was in love with more recently together in a relationship may be too much for any woman to deal with. What do you think? Any perspective is greatly appreciated! Thanks,
