The Adventures of B-Hanny: Turbo Time Baby
1,867 views · Published 19 July 2011 · 2:00 · Indexed 30 September 2026
Channel: 0nett · 2011 · Comedy
The Story: B-Hanny found himself between a rock and a hard place. Recently unemployed with no responsibly B-Hanny found difficulty keeping himself entertained. However, that would all change one afternoon. B-Hanny went outside for his typical smoke break, but he noticed something off in the distance. A bulletin board promptly displayed a yellow flyer, requesting applicants for the annual "Moraine Meander - a test of one's athleticism over a three-mile hike/marathon." B-Hanny jumped at the opportunity, and quickly submitted his application. B-Hanny trained for the marathon in a rather untraditional manner. Instead of running, stretching, and swimming, B-Hanny exercised his lungs through smoking. This unique standstill suppressed B-Hanny into chain smoking on a daily basis. While others saw this as a weakness, B-Hanny believed the constant smoking strengthened his ability to breathe. Doctors might have suggested otherwise, but B-Hanny was confident in his ability to win the marathon. Fast forward three weeks later and it's the day of the big race. B-Hanny stuck to his regimen and continued to smoke nonstop, giving little to no care to physical activities. Still empowered with extreme confidence B-Hanny took his position at the starting line. Equipped with "maximum speed" B-Hanny ran the marathon as fast as any man could, but B-Hanny wondered if it was enough. The time statistics were in, but unfortunately the anxiety got the better half of B-Hanny. Instead of reading the results B-Hanny decided to take a stroll in the local state park. However, this rather simple decision soon turned into a complete disaster. B-Hanny got lost in the woods, and finding the exit became more difficult than he could have ever imagined. Outfitted with only a single pack of cigarettes, B-Hanny ventured onwards seeking insight only through his nicotine addiction. Eventually B-Hanny discovered the bulletin board containing the time statistics, but something else caught his attention. Grasping a cigarette between his lips, B-Hanny spotted a hat from the corner of his right eye. With a quick glance B-Hanny instantly knew this hat was beyond magnificent, and a must have to any fine connoisseur. Without hesitation B-Hanny placed the hat upon his head as he searched for his time statistic. Browsing the results B-Hanny discovered he came in first place. With all the disapproval from his critics B-Hanny proved a dedicated smoker can smoke as much as he likes and still win. Enthused by his victory B-Hanny decided to run back into the woods and celebrate alongside Mother Nature. However, B-Hanny had to stop for a minute and admire the flavor from his last cigarette. Encouraged and motivated B-Hanny craved another cigarette so he lit up another smoke. Overjoyed by the aroma of the cigarette B-Hanny looked around and ran off. Although B-Hanny was satisfied from his cigarette he threw it to the ground, and decided why not enjoy one more. On the other hand, why enjoy one cigarette when you can have two more? So that's what he did, it was so good in fact B-Hanny compared it to a common problem found in addiction and ran onwards. Still, those two cigarettes caught up to B-Hanny real quick, and he started running out of breathe. Reminiscing the past, B-Hanny regretted the fact he never "put a turbo in that thing" as he sat on the ground frustrated. Taking one last drag of his cigarette, B-Hanny threw the nicotine stick away and cursed the dreaded "turbo." Motionless on the fact, B-Hanny decided to smoke another cigarette, but his faulty lighter wouldn't work operate properly. Aggravated B-Hanny resorted to desperate measures, and bit into the once unlit cigarette. Savoring the essence of the tobacco B-Hanny evaluated the quality of the cigarette, welcoming the change of nicotine intake. However, B-Hanny had to get going as his time was running short. Without anymore cigarettes B-Hanny ran, but was suspicious of his past forest actions. So B-Hanny turned around, and became conscious of what time it was, "turbo time baby, turbo time." With no other thought in mind B-Hanny recognized where he was and sprinted home.
