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Pleasure Timeline | Poem by Ishmeet Nagpal

1,201 views · Published 24 October 2018 · 3:39 · Indexed 27 September 2026

Channel: Radio City India · 2018 · Entertainment

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Poet and spoken-word artist Ishmeet Nagpal spoke about traversing across timeframes while discovering one's sexuality, in her thought-provoking verses, at the Free Verse Sessions, held at Fun Republic Social on September 29th, 2018. Read the full poem below.

I knew that kissing someone on the neck
would make babies and consequently wedding invitations
Yet the first time I became aware of sex,
it was a rape scene with the villain laughing
Aaj ye ladki ko aurat banaunga I knew that if a boy kissed you, you say no,
you giggle, but you say no Because good girls are shy and they always get the guy,
after he throws you to the wall
to let you know how much he loves you
If a guy pulls your pigtails he's just so into you
The first time I saw a penis was
years before I gathered up the courage to have a look at my own vagina and yet there he was,
whipping out his wood for the entire neighborhood while we walked by in our school going skirts,
forever mandated to impractical clothing that don’t let you  kick a football or somebody's ass
Drawing that invisible border between us and them. And they had moves
2nd base cop a feel when she's not looking, before she swats your hand away,
before she even has breasts
3rd base when you hold her hand only to drag it, ever so gently towards your zipper saying
Just touch it, it won't bite
and her hand flutters like a fish in a net.
She holds up her hand later and remembers it's abduction, no ransom demands will bring it back
Or restore it to the curious wanderer it used to be,
yearning to pop shirt buttons and trail through tufts of hair on his body, but couldn't
Home base
Get her into a room, any room, a car, any car,
Any  place  that  will  open  her  up  to  receive  you  with  immediate  effect because time  and  tide wait for none and yet
her  ocean  waves  are   too  late barricaded  behind her fears
and it only tears through when showered with promises of marriage The first time I heard the word virgin,
it was in a tray of gossip and aloo pakoras, served up with sizzling masala chai
from a wedding that went south because the girl didn't shut her mouth or legs, So the guy looked for unused items instead
The first time I had sex, I had this feeling of loss,
as if my favourite toy from childhood had been churned in a washing machine, and it just wasn't the same anymore
They say your first time is special. Did I falter in asking for touch,
or did I falter in my silence? I understand now,
why those girls in porn movies sound like stuck records, playing of their own accord
because I found the fragile transaction of being enough, in imposter fake orgasms
We should be talking
So I can tell you how much I want your fingers in the right places, how much I want your lips on mine,
 
how much I want to rip your clothes off, before……
you push my head down, like always You see my firsts
should have been my milestones of pleasure, rippling through my body like electricity
lighting up a path from one set of my lips to the other, instead of being pushed off the deep end
Still memories, like history books, can be revised and packed away, but the future, that is mine to write.
I cannot change the firsts, I cannot change the mistakes. But I can rewrite the story of love and pleasure.
We deserve that, don't you think?

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