No Belle and No Nobel Prize
660 views · Published 7 May 2009 · 5:42 · Indexed 20 October 2026
Channel: willcwhite · 2009 · Music
The ever talented, multi-faced Beth Barber agreed to help me out on this song. Music and Lyrics by yours truly. This song is sung between two professors: an arrogant male professor of molecular biology who whines about his inability to win the Nobel Prize and the hearts of young maidens (played by me) and a hippyish lady professor who has spent her life cleaning up after his destructive path (played by Beth). This song tells the story of his many misadventures coming up through the ranks of academe. His TA (also played by Beth) listens attentively. The lady professor, Anna Innana, is hiding in the bushes and overhears his tale and gives a response. Lyrics: Prof: I was just sure when I went into this field that I would quickly rise to the top and soon be flocked by beautiful young admirers. But somehow, it just never worked out that way. Oh the many hours that I spent pouring o'er my microscope Oh the prospects dour, and yet, faced with doubt, in spite I'd hoped That just one final chemical reaction Would finally lead to my long sought for satisfaction... I've always seemed to have trouble capitalizing on my superior intellect. Why I even remember back in college... I saw this girl in my class one day Let me tell ya' pal -- she was quite a gal I said "Would you like to talk DNA?" It was a real good line - it worked so very fine. We met up in the afternoon to study chapter six. I thought that she was sure to swoon -- we'd be the next double helix! We talked transfection, we talked transduction, Conjugation, *replication* I puckered my lips to try some suction and She said her goodbyes, So No Belle, and No Nobel Prize. TA: But certainly the situation must have improved when you got to graduate school? Prof: Well, not exactly... There was this girl in my lab with me, She was quite a dish -- she had all you'd wish, Style and flair and a Ph.D. I could sense romance - I shot her a glance. I showed her my experiment, she'd see I was a pro. I chose deadly bacteriants to see how large they could grow. She said, "My, isn't that awfully precarious?" "Babe, there is not to fear -- I'm not some dufus here." I gave her a vile and asked, "Could you carry this?" It splashed right in her eyes, So No Belle and No Nobel Prize. TA: But sir, I thought you nearly won the Nobel Prize at one point. What happened? Prof: Well, let's see... There was this broad on the prize committee Such a stuffy dame - it seemed such a shame. I looked real close, and she seemed kinda pretty, But she was so uptight, I had to be polite. I gave my presentation on rare eukaryotes. Much to my grand elation, it seemed I'd carry the votes. I told this broad my work was real ethereal. She seemed quite aloof, she required more proof. When I said, "Would you like to see my genetic material," She kicked me in the thighs. So No Belle and No Nobel Prize. But the worst accident I ever had was meeting that hideous Professor Anna Innana. She has always stood in my way. Anna: Now you've heard it from the source From the big mouth of the horse. He says I stood in his way, Well, it wasn't quite like that per se. He was always hoping and pining for A girl to fall into his lap, so you see that's why I was always running and trying to Prevent yet another mishap with this hopeless guy. He thinks he's smooth, he thinks he's cool Well he's as charming as a mule. Nobel Prize! Well I declare! He couldn't win the science fair. Him: This wretched shrew, she was always somewhere near Her: The only thing on my mind was how to spare womankind! Him: But then again, I can hardly blame the dear. Her: Every discovery meant some poor girl's recovery. Him: She thought I was pursuing her, I must have drove her mad. Her: What a chauvinist pig, I swear he almost drove me mad. Him: Without my even wooing her, she'd seen I was quite the lad Her: How could you dare, you unbearable, terrible cad you are! Him: Finally I said, "Look, enough's enough my dear" Her: I'd had all that I could take, Both: I've got my work to do Him: And I'm sure you do to. I've got to hurry back to my chromosome I've found a new allele! Her: What a schlemiel he was! Him: She's No Belle, but I'll have my Nobel Prize Her: Oh, how I despise him Him: She's no Belle but I'll have my Nobel Prize! Her: He's No Belle and he'll have no Nobel Prize!
