Look Who it Was Random video

TW: Karen & Kayvon Are Integrating From the Core While We Cope With Lots of Trigger Dates

2,712 views · Published 29 October 2018 · 14:30 · Indexed 7 October 2026

Channel: Dylan Groves · 2018 · People & Blogs

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Hi everyone, this is Karen and Kayvon, in the midst of integration, and in this video, many parts of us came out to talk about how that process is going and how they're coping with the trigger dates that make the end of this month particularly difficult for us and many other survivors of ritual abuse and mind control.

Some potentially triggering topics mentioned include: memory and core integration from polyfragmentation (incl. around sexuality), trigger dates relating to ritual abuse towards the end of the year (incl. our own birthday), background noise, acid reflux, Mk Ultra/Monarch mind control, our Healthy Coping series, physical self-care (incl. showering), Magic (the card game), fear of accessing, social anxiety, our recent trauma and subsequent splitting in Kayvon's subsystem, masculinity and femininity (incl. toxic femininity as a result of beta programming), pacing our healing, switching hosts to cope with trauma, fear of having misgendered Kayvon in a dissociated state (which it turns out we didn't do), being pansexual and gender non-binary, sex positivity and sexual health, healing from sexual trauma (incl. deprogramming from beta), fear of opening up about these things online due to predators, DID in relationships, the recent controversy in the DID community around "System Pride Day" (the triggers of the date, the flag and how some members of the community who were not ra/mc survivors responded to those who were), being a whistleblower, programming that activates at specific times on or around trigger dates (panic, meltdowns, reliving trauma), being under surveillance by the CIA, empathy and grace for ritual abuse survivors

We'd like to note that there was a miscommunication inside that led some parts to believe that today was the 29th, so during this video, when some of them talked about "two days ago," they actually meant yesterday, the 27th, not the 26th. We think, however, that some parts may have really meant the 26th, as that day is an activator for us too, but we know that not all of them did and we don't want to trigger anyone inside by exploring the issue more right now.

We'd also like to note that when we talked about how the DID community responded to ra/mc survivors about the issue of "Systrm Pride Day," we said something that made it sound like we were only talking about responses from non-ra/mc survivors with DID, but we actually meant to include all other non-ra/mc survivors who responded problematically as well. It just hurt the most to see a lack of understanding from those who suffer from dissociative disorders like that as well. 

And lastly, we want to acknowledge that this video ends abruptly because at the very end, we accidentally said a common trigger phrase for survivors of mind control that we did not feel was necessary for our message to include. We work very hard not to say things that we know to be common triggers unless we feel that there is no other way to communicate what we need to say.

~ Katy & co.

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Update (11/30/19): In order to honor ourselves and our non-binary gender, we are going back to our former front name Dylan - https://youtu.be/RgTi07WrOH4

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